165 - What Educators and Parents Get Wrong About Behavior with Dr. David Palmer
In this episode of The Inclusive Dad podcast, host AAron welcomes Dr. David Palmer, educator, advocate, and father of six neurodivergent children, for a powerful conversation about inclusion, belonging, and nervous system regulation. Drawing from his journey as a parent, teacher, and adult diagnosed with ADHD, Dr. Palmer challenges traditional views of behavior, discipline, and compliance. Together, they explore the critical difference between defiance and dysregulation, why regulation must come before discipline, and how adults can “rewire their response” to support children more effectively. This episode offers practical, compassionate insights for parents, educators, and anyone committed to true inclusion.
Key Takeaways:
Inclusion vs Belonging - Inclusion isn’t just physical placement—it’s authentic belonging as an equal, valued member of the community.
Defiance or Dysregulation - Most challenging behavior is a nervous system response, not willful defiance.
Seen, Safe, Supported - Children thrive when they feel seen, safe, and supported—connection must come first.
Rewire the Response - Adults must regulate themselves before they can help children regulate.
Design for Everyone - What supports one child often benefits everyone when designed inclusively.
Dr. Palmer’s definition of inclusion:
Inclusion is being a full-fledged, equal member of a community, where everyone belongs and has the same opportunities to participate.
Dr. Palmers Bio:
Dr. David A. Palmer is a neurodivergent educator, parent, and speaker on a mission to revolutionize how we understand and respond to kids in emotional distress. With over 30 years in education and a doctorate in special education, Dr. Palmer blends lived experience and neuroscience to challenge outdated discipline models and help adults shift from reaction to regulation.
He’s the creator of the Rewire the Response™ framework—a six-step, trauma-informed roadmap that helps parents and educators move from chaos to calm by decoding what behavior is really communicating. His work empowers adults to become the calm, connected leaders their neurodivergent and trauma-impacted kids need most.
Through his talks, podcast, and trainings, Dr. Palmer dismantles the “fix the kid” narrative and replaces it with something far more powerful: regulated adults, resilient kids, and relationships that actually heal.
Connect with Dr. Palmer:
Website: https://www.drdavidapalmer.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/david.palmer.585/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drdavidapalmer
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drdapalmer/
TedX: https://youtu.be/IMSTuvNlEZU?si=2TvkILQ3cCttsuOK
SubStack: https://drdavidapalmer.substack.com/
SPAM© Count:
Host:
Yes
Current Guest:
Yes
Cumulative Guest Stats:
Yes - 71
No - 92
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Rewire the Response
Dr. David A. Palmer is a neurodivergent educator, parent, and speaker on a mission to revolutionize how we understand and respond to kids in emotional distress. With over 30 years in education and a doctorate in special education, Dr. Palmer blends lived experience and neuroscience to challenge outdated discipline models and help adults shift from reaction to regulation.
He’s the creator of the Rewire the Response™ framework—a six-step, trauma-informed roadmap that helps parents and educators move from chaos to calm by decoding what behavior is really communicating. His work empowers adults to become the calm, connected leaders their neurodivergent and trauma-impacted kids need most.
Through his talks, podcast, and trainings, Dr. Palmer dismantles the “fix the kid” narrative and replaces it with something far more powerful: regulated adults, resilient kids, and relationships that actually heal.
